"It's just my hormones": how we talk to ourselves and others about our hormones

It struck me whilst giving a talk at The Mayflower Theatre last week. The talk was on women's health and hormones at work, and the majority of people in the room were women. During the session, we were reflecting on what holds us back from speaking up at work about our hormones, and someone said, 'because I tell myself I'm being silly'. And there lies the inspiration for this blog. Why do we think that? What is it that we've internalised? And how can we create spaces where women feel confident sharing how they’re feeling or getting the help they need? So that's what we're going to chat about today.

Why is talking about hormones important?

Let's be honest, women's cycles and hormonal fluctuations have long been the butt of the joke. From a 'hysterical' woman on her period to the 'moaning' menopausal woman – they're archetypes reflected in culture, media and even in relationships. Creating unhelpful stereotypes and, at times, invalidating women's experiences. Not only does it make it harder for women to navigate for themselves, but in relationships and medically too.

Leading me onto the most infuriating part. Women's health issues are chronically underdiagnosed and underresearched. In fact, only 2% of UK medical research funding is spent on pregnancy, childbirth, and female reproductive health. Like WHAT?! Even now, as someone with PMDD, I find myself having to explain my condition, rule out all of the things I've tried and ask for specific types of treatments I've been looking into – all leading to cul-de-sacs of lacking information.

When we live in a society that makes fun of, invalidates and doesn't give importance to hormones, it's really hard not to internalise that. It's something I catch even in myself – it's just hormones, it'll wear off. And whilst that is partially true, it doesn't make the experiences any easier or feel less real.

So this is why advocating for yourself and having spaces to share are crucial to women getting the help they want and need.

How to help yourself chat about hormones

Now let's put the power back in your hands. First things first, self-reflection or looking over any data on your hormones is key. I love to use the app Clue (but Flo is great too) to track any hormonal symptoms. Having a clear understanding of yourself is key to better communicating how you feel outwardly. Then comes the self-reflection. And that's checking in with how you're feeling physically or mentally today. Give it a score or a name.

Once you've had a moment of self-reflection, consider the type of support you're looking for. That could be a physical outcome like changing the environment of a meet-up, pushing back plans, doing something different, or delaying a deadline at work. Or, it could be something emotional in terms of simply talking about your feelings, rationalising some negative thought patterns or exploring cyclical thoughts or feelings you might be having.

Consider who you're going to speak to and how much you're willing to share. Picking someone you can trust or who can actually help you achieve a physical outcome is key. That might be your family, friends, partner, colleague or manager.

Finally, never approach conversations from shame but from control. Know you are in control of the situation, in control of how much shame you feel and the outcome you might be looking to achieve. Speaking about hormones is nothing to be ashamed of, but could be game-changing at work, in relationships or in a medical setting.

How to create a space for others to chat about hormones

Now what if you're someone who wants to be there for someone who might be struggling with managing their hormones? This is for you.

First up is not making assumptions – allow someone to come to you or ask open-ended questions to encourage opening up. Forcing a conversation around hormones may do more damage than good if that person is not in a position to chat about where they are hormonally.

Next up is actively listening. And this means no distractions, not waiting for your turn to talk or jumping to conclusions. As I said in the 'help yourself' section, she might just want to be listened to, so part of your support is simply listening.

Finally, normalise that chat – don't be awkward or make it a big deal. Helping a woman to feel confident enough to self-advocate is game-changing. So keep in mind that no pain is normal, any disruptive symptoms should be seen by a doctor, and just because mental wellbeing is affected by hormones doesn't make it any less valid.

The more we all share and create spaces to share about our hormones, the less isolated, helpless or shameful women feel. We can all be a part of that change! Alright, rant over now, aha. For more blogs, check out my blog page and if you're struggling with managing your hormones and wanna chat, reach out, babes.